Do you find that some days you just feel so free?
Like you could spin,
jump,
dance and shout for joy?

Untouchable, certain, free….

 

But then suddenly something shifts…
Circumstances or mindsets change and you feel uncertain;
unsure, insecure,

vulnerable.

I have been through all that this month…

After the excitement and joy of moving back to New Zealand and buying our new home,
about a month ago things shifted inside of me and I started to feel unsure.

Now please don’t misunderstand me – the joy was/is still there!
I am confident we were supposed to move back and it was definitely the right thing to do!
We are really happy and settled here.

BUT

I started feeling vulnerable;
A wife’s and mother’s worry…
Not untouchable. Not certain.
Instead I have been feeling like circumstances could change any minute and whisk this happiness all away.
Because I knew it wouldn’t take much.

And I hate to say it but last week my fears came to fruition:
Last Thursday Mr Flutter got issued 4 weeks notice at his job.
That means that come the 30th November he will officially be unemployed and we will have no income.

So this post has been almost penned for a week, but I couldn’t quite get it out.
I wasn’t quite ready to vocalise it all yet.

There is never a good time to lose your income,
But in a year when you’ve moved halfway across the world, bought a house and made serious headway into renovating said house (in other words had the most expensive year of your lives by a long shot) then it must be up there on the scale of worst times!

I am confident Mr F will get another job quickly. He is very skilled, loyal and highly respected.
What I lack confidence in is him getting a job in Wellington where we’ve moved and being able to come home every night… Because if we want him to move from working away in Australia then Auckland or Christchurch (both a long way away) are where the work is at for him.
And.I.don’t.want.to.move.again!

Still, we will remain optimistic
and have faith this will work out.
It’s not the first time this has happened and I’m sure it won’t be the last either…
All part of the journey of being a contractor.

If nothing else this is such a poignant reminder to be thankful for what we have!!
We still have our health and each other.
As long as we have those two things we will be fine.

 

But one thing is for sure…

I really would like to know what comes next!