Stream of conscious…

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    Thoughts tumble around my head…
    Like rocks in a rock tumbler.
    The more time they spend there the smoother and more comfortable they get…
    But jumbled up all the same.

    Seasons, projects, marriage, life, ideas, parenting…
    More thoughts tumbling and turning.
    I try and tie them down but is is proving difficult.
    The topics intertwine and get confused.
    I ponder.

    The overwhelming theme of my life this week seems to be “seasons”…

    The weather; we seem to be having all seasons in one week again.
    Hot one minute, cold & wet the next.
    I can’t keep up!

    Walking in the rain

    Life; On Friday I had a vision about Seasons.
    I saw a small rose bush going through it’s seasonal changes…

    In Spring & moving onto Summer the bush blooms in flower
    It oozes health and well being.
    Spectacular beauty.
    Life is good.

    Autumn is inevitable.
    Harder times commence.
    Leaves brown and fall.
    Old growth is pruned away.

    Dark short Winter days make the bush stark.
    So stark it can appear dead.
    Lifeless.
    Winter feels so long.

    Yet Spring is just around the corner.
    Oh the Relief.

    The amazing this about Spring is that it can bring even the most dead looking bushes to life.
    Spring brings hope.
    New growth buds.
    Beauty unravels itself into full bloom once more.

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    This was my vision. My picture.
    Initially for a friend.

    Church; Guess what the talk was about this morning?
    All about seasons!

    As thunder sounded and rain pelted down outside we explored life’s seasons.
    The irony was not lost on me.
    Nor the week of weather & pictures of seasons leading up to that moment.

    So I pondered.
    What season am I currently in?
    Perhaps the picture of the rose wasn’t just for my friend?

    ***

    I feel like I’ve just been through a bleak Winter.
    Not just in the physical sense (because I literally have just been through Winter)
    But Winter in my life.

    This time last year I was on anti-anxiety and anti-depressant medication.
    I had been fighting darkness ever since I had Abbie in 2010
    And I’d left it too long to do something about it.
    The process of recovery wasn’t pretty.

    Thankfully last December saw me strong enough to come off the medication and I have not looked back since.
    That’s not to say it’s been easy.
    It hasn’t.

    At times this year circumstances have seen my anxiety soar again.
    Through faith alone I have stayed well.
    Well enough to cope through what I believe was the end of a bleak Winter’s life season that is.
    Not once this year did I feel like things were slipping to the point I needed to go back to the doctor…
    What a blessing!

    But the last 4 weeks or so things have been changing again…
    I feel a stillness inside me that hasn’t been there for a long time,
    Sense a quiet contentment.
    I see a rainbow
    twinkling through the spring rain.
    Smell a fresh fragrance in the air

    Mirror ball

    Life has a newness about it.
    Our future is looking brighter and less intimidating,
    My family is healthier.
    The reflection in the mirror ball pleases me with its blue sky & colour.

    It feels good to hope.
    I am grateful for the new buds of growth…
    In many ways Spring is my favourite season!
    I can’t wait to see what this one grows…

    7 COMMENTS

    1. Love that you are in a new peaceful and contented place. It has been hard earned. I think stepping back and doing less was just what you needed. You are focused on what is important.

    2. Just home and catching up on everything, boy is Laura going to be mad going home to that weather, looks like it was nicer in the US lol Glad things are looking all bright and shiny for you anyway :o)

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